I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
