we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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