what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize