Whod you bang
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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