she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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