I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman