drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"