just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.