I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."