47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
