i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
