remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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