Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
