how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
