Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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