Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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