speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
