Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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