i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
