there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
