this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
