hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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