wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
