P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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