Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize