why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
