I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
