The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
