im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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