we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
