You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
