Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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