Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
