i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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