May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
