He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
