and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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