I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
