Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
