I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
