Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
