the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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