No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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