I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
