Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize