My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
