im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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