we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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