youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
