i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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