dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
