do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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