all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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