just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
