go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
