Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
