Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
