when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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