She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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