Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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