that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
