why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
