I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
