So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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