it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
