god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
