Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
