Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
