Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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