Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
