The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
