she smelled like a LAN party
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
